Predicting Country Weather

DEEP in rural Japan, where newspapers and internet do not reach, farmers still depend upon the age-old folk wisdom passed over by successive generations in predicting the weather.

All across a timeless Inaka, those living off the land are turning to ancient portents, including myself, rather than relying on government forecasting machinery and the news agency’s supercomputers and their sexy meteorologists. Because the technology and sexiness we see on the television simply cannot match the quaint ways the country folk predict the weather.

Only kidding !

It’s all over the radio, albeit in Japanese - and what we hear of late is “Global Warming is Here!” It’s in magazines, newspapers and on the television set, “Gigantic Ice Shelf Disintegrating Off Antarctica Peninsula.” Politicians, business leaders and common folk alike, chat about it as if it may be our fault and as if we should change our life-ways to reverse, or at least slow down, “global warming,” and to do our part to halt the melting of the Antarctic Ice Shelves.

There are those who have heard about global warming, but aren’t really interested. There’s a gazillion studies on it, people making money off of it, people losing money because of it, people banking on it, people studying up on it, and young college couples having sexual intercourse well into the night on sun-warmed co-ed dormitory rooftops. There are people who think it’s a lie, people who think other people are over reacting about it and there are even those rare Japanese individuals who travel to the poles to surf epic waves that are created by giant chunks of ice that break away from the sides of ice shelves and fall into the sea.

Now, clearly, something’s going on – With all this “Global Warming” chatter, artic wave riding and rooftop sex in the middle of the night. Call it “Global Warming” if you like, but I’m claiming the middle ground and call it “Global Torrent”. And I’m gunna define “Global Torrent” as the human psyche and human behavior under all the sexy news and hearsay on “Global Warming” bundled up with tomorrow’s weird weather.

With a little forward thinking and quaint ways to predict the coming rain, big storms and human predicament, in addition to gale winds, flurries, sunny days, high pressure, low pressure, “acidic yellow sandstorms,” breezes, sprinkles, showers, drizzle, rain, sleet and snow, in the coming years I’ll be expecting “Global Torrent” and what she brings.

And with “Global Torrent” I’m planning on some long hot summers, long cold winters, and sporadic weather patterns throughout the year. Weather patterns that will become virtually unpredictable by even the sexiest of supercomputers and meteorologists. So as to cover all my bases, I’m investing in a good pair of flip-flop sandals (for the summers), a maki-stove (for the winters) and strong window shutters for my home (for all that unpredictable country weather).